The Wombat File Is Yours to Keep

Is how she treats Bert. I mean, ferchrissakes, when they're walking over that little bridge in the "Jolly Holiday" sequence -- just before the dance with the penguins -- she gives forth with all that crap about how "you'd never think of pressing your advantage," and "your sweet gentility is crystal clear," and he just has to stand there and take it.

And I'm sorry, but Bert is just about twenty times better than Mary, who in the film version has some form of borderline personality disorder. I mean, she's sickly-sweet and then she's all stern, and she's setting people free from their bank-centric illusions and then she's disapproving of Ed Wynn's levitating. OK, so Ed Wynn is pretty annoying, I'll grant you. He doesn't even try to fake an English accent. It's not like Dick Van Dyke sounds like an Edwardian Cockney, I'm sure, but he's in there TRYING.

But still, that fit of pique over the whole thing. I swear, Jane and Michael have got to be good and traumatized by the time that manipulative woman finally blows out of town. And Bert -- my friend, all I could say is, if she can only see you as a "diamond in the rough," she's not fit to black your dancing boots.