Dear Spam

Dear Spam:

Thanks for writing. I feel kinda bad about my end of the correspondence. I feel like you're the one doing all the work. I'd like to tell you that will change, but I just can't keep up with your energy -- you're just so tireless!

It sounds like things are going really well for you -- the money pouring in, feeling (as usual) great about yourself. Did you really make over $25,000 this month working from home? That's amazing. I think the thing that I like most about you, spam, is that you're never shy about owning your triumphs, celebrating your own life with the people who care about you. I know it's something that I have to work on for myself.

You asked me if I was ready to change my life -- and the way you used all those capital letters impressed upon me the seriousness of your question. The fact of the matter, spam, is that I don't know if I'm ready for the kind of dramatic changes that you seem to have incorporated into your daily routine, you know?

I know what you're going to say: "Give me five minutes and I'll show you how to flood your bank account with serious cash." I want to know how cool it is that you're there willing to help your friends get to where you are. And it means something that you want things between us to be "NO hype! All legal!" That's the way it's always been between us, buddy: no hype, all legal. So I hope you'll understand when I tell you that there is a big part of me that feels threatened by the prospect of "flooding my bank account with serious cash." That sounds like both a good thing and a bad thing: in floods, people drown. Would I drown, spam? Would the part of me that is not ready for serious cash be swept away in a tidal wave of $$$UCCE$$?

By the way -- I hope your car is out of the shop. I agree that car repairs always come at a bad time; of course I don't have one. But it sounds like you have a great handle on how to extend your car's warranty AND not be left with huge bills. So, while the general situation is frustrating, I'm glad to see that with your usual swiftness you've "beaten the system" again. I have to say, I don't know how you do it!

Now, I have to bring up a touchy subject: it was so sweet of you to offer to invite me to the World Series, Superbowl, Daytona 500, Final Four and Masters tournament (and it's so thoughtful of you to make sure that I knew that it would be FREE -- but of course it was, since that's the kind of stuff you always do), but I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no. Thing is, if we went to those things, I'd spend the whole time with you feeling a little weird about why I am getting the chance to "live the dream" while others who are still working the "40 X 40 X 40" lifestyle are out there in the cold. I'd just be too self-conscious to enjoy the fabulous perks.

(By the way, I think I'll also have to say no thanks to all of the wild and kinky pornographic material that you're always encouraging me to check out. I can see how when you're so wrapped up in your work it seems like a welcome diversion, but I have to say I find "Unlimited Adult Action" almost as intimidating as the "Turnkey Marketing System" you've told me about. Hope that doesn't make me sound like too much of a prude!)

I know you believe that "Everyone can do it!" Of course it makes sense to you -- you're the generous type of person who has more to give and to share than they know what to do with. Every time I get an e-mail from you, spam, I think about how much that belief means to you, and it warms me inside. I don't know if I agree, but I hope you never stop trying to convince me.

Take care and enjoy that amazing cruise vacation with your family that didn't cost you anything. More than anyone I know, you deserve a break.

Your friend,

BT

Posted by BT at June 30, 2002 11:43 PM