The city's bizarre response to the planned anti-war rally this Saturday has been studded with claims that are as maddening as they are laughable. Well, the city and a Federal Judge. The city basically admits they are banning all "protest marches" south of 59th Street (which is, presumably, the northern edge of Buildings Which House Institutions Likely to Be Subject to Protest*).

Their argument seems to be, variously (1) the city can't afford a protest march right now, because it costs too much to pay the cops to police the area, and (2) the U.N. is too much of a terrorist target to let anybody march past it.

(1) is illogical -- the government cannot plead poverty as an excuse for denying a first amendment right. Perhaps next the State of New York will announce that convening trials by jury is getting a little too pricey, and that we're all going to have to tighten our belts for a while and live with single-judge tribunals or, perhaps, automated Verdict Kiosks.

(2) is not so much a piece of categorical nonsense as it is just more of the creeping "Patriots accept an indefinite state of heightened security" attitude which has allowed the government to forbid access by default in the name of security. Does any intelligence or security professional in this country believe that a large-scale, well organized peace march is the likely setting for a bomb attack on the United Nations? Is there any precedent for this? Nobody's asking to walk into the lobby and take the curtains off of Guernica, anyhow.

So, the upshot is we're all supposed to be sort of fenced in to some designated area. Assuming a large number of people show, this could be a really interesting challenge to public safety, of the kind Mayor Bloomberg is less interested in. Let's all agree that if you're up near the police barriers, you'll take extra care, and "Oh god I'm being crushed to death" should not be interpreted as a tritely metaphorical expression of one's political suffering.

Well, while we're all walking legally to our Approved Protest Pens we can at least choose from a host of interesting Feeder Marches. You can be superfreaky revolutionary with the Eco/Erotic Noise Brigade, or arrive in a more sedate manner with the Interfaith Ministers for Peace. If you are instead looking to be part of the Mardi Gras Carnival Bloc Feeder, please be aware that it is going to be far too cold for any of the ladies to be showing off their naughty bits.

Theresa and I will be there as the "Outraged Park Slopers Who Don't Get Out Much Action League." My tentative sign plan is SATURATION BOMBING MAKES BABY JESUS CRY. But that's just an early draft: suggestions welcome.

*Of course, if anyone wants to head up the Upper East Side to march on the Guggenheim in protest of double-digit art museum ticket prices, sign me up!