The Amazing Laws of Cosmic Mind Power

SUMMARY:

1. Non-amazing uses of Cosmic Mind Power are subject to local ordinance 5473-2002(b) and must be accompanied by a permit from the Office of Subliminality and Psychokinesis.

2. As long as you live under my roof, young man, you don't bring that hippy-dippy crap around here! Understood?

3. Cosmic Mind Power should not be combined with St. John's Wort, Gingko Biloba, Kava-Kava, Red Dye No. 4, Dr. Bronner's Liquid Soap (All-Truth! All-One!), Eddie Vedder, or the stuff they hose down the subway cars with.

4. If you have Cosmic Mind Power, and you know it, clap your hands. But do it only in your mind.

5. In a closed system, Cosmic Mind Power, amazingly, can never decrease.

6. All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.

7. Cosmic Mind Power is everywhere and nowhere. Would you discover Cosmic Mind Power? First you must learn to hear the sound of raindrops growing in the sky!

8. Cosmic Mind Power is provided on an "as is" and "as available" basis. Cosmic Mind Power makes no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, as to the efficacies, potency, duration, profitability, usefulness, "reality," or non-Satanicity of Cosmic Mind Power. Cosmic Mind Power will not be liable for any damages, emotional scarring, disappointments, demonic possessions, disillusionments, or time-space anomalies caused by, associated with, or in the vicinity of the use of Cosmic Mind Power.