I walked into my office building the other day behind a pair of women engaged in a spirited discussion of what liquors would make appropriate purchases for some upcoming gathering. When one suggested Grey Goose vodka, the other, in a voice which had qualities reminiscent of a roughly idling cement truck, informed her pal that she was buying "nothing from the French" because they are "disloyal to their friends" and "went against us in the U.N." She opined that we had to "hit them in the pocketbook," where it hurts, and, after a pause, added the phrase "dirty beasts."
One suspects her to be a regular reader of New York Post columnist Cindy Adams, whose Francophobe rant of last week seems to have something in common with the aforementioned anti-Gallic sentiments.
Ms. Adams, when not crusading against the infamous traitors in Paris, is celebrating the publication of her new book, which turns to the image of loyalty itself, embodied as it only can be by (wo)man's best friend.
Posted by BT at February 27, 2003 03:20 PMYou can get much of the same from political appointees at the DOD:
(More on the sender here -- http://www.defenselink.mil/news/Jul2001/b07232001_bt331-01.html)
From: "Christie, Thomas, Mr, OSD-DOT&E"
To:
Subject: The Complete Military History of France
Date: Fri, 7 Feb 2003 13:55:22 -0500
The Complete Military History of France
* Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years
of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
* Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. Saved at last by female schizophrenic who
inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are
victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
* Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
lose two wars when fighting Italians.
* Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
* Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.
* War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
* The Dutch War - Tied
* War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War -
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles
the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
* War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough , which they have loved every since.
* American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most of
the fighting."
* French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also
French.
* The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
footwear designer.
* The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat
boy to France 's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
* World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United
States . Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep
with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread
use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French
bloodline.
* World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
* War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with
the Dien Bien Flu.
* Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army
by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule
of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical
to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch,
Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
* War on Terrorism - France , keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders
to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese
ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not
be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France
collapses?"
Oh, and what's the name of the park in front of the White House?
Posted by: Scott on February 28, 2003 01:13 PMhmpf...
Posted by: hmpf on March 16, 2003 10:33 PM