The life-killing suspense is over! Scraps takes it with a solid score in the last round. Art's midgame surge couldn't take him past Gavin, thanks to the lightning-round victory by our sometime guest quizmaster, so the Win/Place/Show order remains as it was at the end of Round 2.

Rory, the 3rd-round leader at 304 vaulted ahead a few places to finish at #6, and Scott edged past Boxjam for fourth.

I thank you all for your incredible indulgence in my taste for baroquely worded questions about historical ephemera. There shall be prizes for all (more on that to come, but you should send in your mailing address), though of course those three in the Winner's Circle will receive special awards that properly commemorate their achievements here.

Final scores

1. Scraps (520/560/202) 1282
2. Gavin (360/360+160/101) 981
3. Art (240/480/152) 872
4. Scott (320/280/202) 802
5. Boxjam (200/400/152) 752
6. Rory (80/200/304) 584
7. The Lady B. Yogurt (100/280/101) 481
8. Hackly Fracture (180/80/202) 462
9 Jonathan (140/40/152) 332
10. Terry (280/-/-) 280
11. Garthmeister J (100/40/-) 140
12. Teenidol (-/40/-) 40

Answers to be posted a bit later, in the comments. There was only one question that stumped absolutely everyone.

The light at the end of our trivial tunnel is now blessedly in view. The last round of answers has come in, and now it's time for clues. Remember, all answers (or revisions to earlier answers) submitted from here on in will be for half-credit. The deadline for your emails is 12:01 AM Thursday morning EST -- which essentially means "midnight tonight." Email as before to quiz at wombatfile dot com with "quiz" somewhere in the subject line.

Here are the clues:

1. Cadwallader Colden also noted their "ferocity" as an element of danger to children. But the biggest problem was hygenic. The last hurrah for their ubiquity on the streets of Old New York was in 1849: after a cholera breakout, city authorities had the police clear them from the dwellings of the poor and the streets of downtown, removing all to the still-rural area above 86th.

2. One need know nothing about Romantic poetry (or poetry at all) to correctly guess the name of the poet -- for he was a poet -- in question. He is and was famous, and presumably possessed of a good sense of humor.

3. The innovation in question involved ammunition (in the inventor's term "spherical case") rather than a gun itself. The word is not capitalized in the modern usage, and it is unlikely that most people connect the term with anyone's name.

4. A player writes, " Oh, I do love the ones where all you give us is like 3 things it's NOT in a universe of maybe 18 billion things." Thanks! Perhaps this will help: it is a seasonally popular tune, and its subject matter is the pleasure of an experience that would be very difficult to duplicate for most people today.

BONUS QUESTION

A correct answer to this question -- no additional clue to be provided -- will garner you an additional 101 points:

In 1799, George Shaw, the keeper of the British Museum, was sent an animal specimen from an explorer named Captain John Hunter. Shaw examined the specimen and wrote up a description for the Naturalist's Miscellany, but confessed that in his view it was "impossible not to entertain some doubts as to the genuine nature of the animal, and to surmise that there might have been practiced some arts of deception in its structure." As it came via the Indian Ocean, a colleague suggested that its appearance was a joke fostered by the "artful" Chinese sailors through whose care it had come through part of its journey.

In fact, it was a real specimen, of a species later given the scientific name Ornithorhynchus anatinus. What is its common name?

Email as with the rest of your answers, to quiz at wombatfile dot com. Final results to be announced tomorrow.

Here it is: the end of the line. You've all made it this far and you're HEROES, I tell you HEROES of trivia. You're like the Iron Chefs of... knowing a bunch of stuff.

In just a few days, it'll all be over, and you can rest on your laurel-stuffed mattresses. But there's one more river to cross. One last round of searingly pointless distraction from everything that is meaningful in the world.

On Scoring: per my senseless dicta back at the start, each of the four questions in Round 3 is worth 101 points, for a possible total of 404 points. This was a pretty lame attempt to have the total possible equal 2004 points. Considering it means that each of the round 3 questions is worth less than the round 2 questions, it strikes me as a typically boneheaded Wombat File move.

But what's done is done: 101 points each it is. HOWEVER, in order to keep things interesting, on Wednesday (along with clues) I will offer one additional bonus question for an additional 101 points (no clue deduction for the bonus). This means that Scraps' lead becomes a touch more vulnerable. It won't be a lightning round -- you'll email your answer along with everything else by the Thursday midnight deadline. I'll admit it's rotten of me to throw such surprises in, but if you don't like it, you can go play that high-minded quiz at the Platypus Dossier.

On to the questions. Email your answers to quiz at wombatfile dot com by 12:01 AM EST, THURSDAY, December 23rd. Clues and the bonus will be posted on Wednesday morning -- answers received after the clue will score only half-credit (51 points), though the bonus will yield a full 101.

As this is the last gasp, I couldn't help but be long-winded in a traditionally Friday style. If clarifications (not hints) are required for any of the four, note in the comments and I'll address if necessary.

ROUND THREE QUESTIONS:

1. In 1818, New York City mayor Cadwallader Colden noted that "our wives and daughters cannot walk abroad through the streets of the city without encountering the most disgusting spectacles," although he admitted that the objects of his complaint were merely "indulging in the propensities of nature." He also complained about their possible danger to the young. He empanelled a grand jury which indicted one tradesman, Christian Harriet, as kind of an example case, charging him with public nuisance for contributing to this problem. Harriet's lawyer argued that his client was only following a common social practice, and while the overly refined might feel "too delicate to endure the sight, or even the idea of so odious a creature," the poor would be unduly harmed by the enforcement of this law.

Harriet, though, was convicted under pressure from the mayor, thus establishing that anyone who did what he did was violating the law. Three years later, the Common Council ordered a roundup of the offending objects, but the owners rioted and liberated their property. Riots over this law broke out four more times from 1825 to 1832.

What did Mayor Colden want to get off the streets?

2. In 1797, the following poem was published in The Monthly Magazine and signed "Nehemiah Higginbottom," in a style borrowing the phrases of and clearly ridiculing the style of the Romantic poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge:

And this reft house is that the which he built,
Lamented Jack ! And here his malt he pil'd,
Cautious in vain ! These rats that squeak so wild,
Squeak, not unconscious of their father's guilt.
Did ye not see her gleaming thro' the glade ?
Belike, 'twas she, the maiden all forlorn.
What though she milk no cow with crumpled horn,
Yet aye she haunts the dale where erst she stray'd ;
And aye beside her stalks her amorous knight !
Still on his thighs their wonted brogues are worn,
And thro' those brogues, still tatter'd and betorn,
His hindward charms gleam an unearthly white ;
As when thro' broken clouds at night's high noon
Peeps in fair fragments forth the full-orb'd harvest-moon !

Higginbottom also published two other parody sonnets (targeting other poets) in the same issue.

What was "Nehemiah Higginbottom"'s real name?

3. In 1784, a British Army Lieutenant first proposed a weapons innovation that would in future make warfare much more deadly, but his efforts to convince superiors went unheeded. He spent the next nineteen years making demonstrations before the army finally ordered him to oversee the manufacture of his innovation. It was used in a naval battle in 1804 to such great effect that the enemy surrendered after the British fired their opening rounds. That year, he was promoted to Lietenant Colonel. His innovation was soon used in widespread fashion, and has been credited as a factor in the victory over Napoleon.

His innovation had a name which he gave it, but was unofficially known simply by his last name, and the British government actually formalized the designation in 1852, after his death, at the request of his family. Although the descendents of his innovation work differently, his name lives on in military terminology, and has come to be well known outside the military, and survives in frequent contemporary news coverage about the war in Iraq.

What was his last name?

4. James Pierpont was born in Medford, Massachusetts, in 1822. He ran away from home at a young age, and is rumored to have gone to sea and/or gone to California in the Gold Rush. He turned up in the late 1850s in Savannah, Georgia as music director and organist at a Unitarian church where his brother John was the minister. Although his family was abolitionist, when war came he joined a Confederate calvary regiment.

He wrote pro-Confederacy songs, such as "We Conquer or Die" and "Strike for the South," but none of these caught on like a song he copyrighted in 1857, while in Savannah (although some sources suggest he first composed it elsewhere, more than a decade before that). Unlike those up-the-rebels tunes, it is absolutely apolitical and not at all identified with Pierpont's adopted home. Its original title, which referred to a vehicle, was later changed to something more catchy (a lyric from the chorus).

What is the revised title, by which this song is now widely known?

After a hard-fought battle in the Lightning Round, Gavin picked up an extra 160 points with his answer ("Purchasing the Catholic Church"). Here are the updated standings and scores going into Round 3.

1. Scraps (520/560) 1080
2. Gavin (360/360+160) 880
3. Art (240/480) 720
4. (tie) Boxjam (200/400) 600
-- (tie) Scott (320/280) 600
6. The Lady B. Yogurt (100/280) 380
7. (tie) Terry (280/-) 280
-- (tie) Rory (80/200) 280
9. Hackly Fracture (180/80) 260
10. Jonathan (140/40) 180
11. Garthmeister J (100/40) 140
12. Teenidol (-/40) 40

Rules for the lightning round: post your guess in the comments. One guess per comment. Multiple guesses permitted but no consecutive guesses are allowed. In other words, after you make a guess/comment, you must wait until at least ONE other guess/comment has been posted before adding a new one. Consecutive comments/guesses will be disallowed.

First correct answer gets an additional 160 points toward the final Quizvitational score.

As always, no Googling or consulting works of reference.

Here's the question:

Ten years ago yesterday, the software company Microsoft was forced by publicity to issue a press release, formally denying that it had any intent to pursue a particular action. What was the action the company denied undertaking?

Let the furious typing begin.

Answers a little later, but here are the updated standings, pre-LIGHTNING ROUND. Although Scraps maintains his lead, ties abound...

Note: scores in parentheses are (round 1/round 2). Bold score is the 2-round total.

1. Scraps (520/560) 1080
2. (tie) Gavin (360/360) 720
-- (tie) Art (240/480) 720
4. (tie) Boxjam (200/400) 600
-- (tie) Scott (320/280) 600
6. The Lady B. Yogurt (100/280) 380
7. (tie) Terry (280/-) 280
-- (tie) Rory (80/200) 280
9. Hackly Fracture (180/80) 260
10. Jonathan (140/40) 180
11. Garthmeister J (100/40) 140
12. Teenidol (-/40) 40

There has been a general wailing and gnashing of the collective teeth over the latest questions. Email submissions have in part or in whole indicated a hatred of the quiz, the quizmaster, and geography. I hereby apologize for, in the words of one correspondent, "ruining Christmas."

Here are some hints. Half-credit to correct answers submitted from here on in; quarter-credit to any half-correct answers submitted. Send your last-minute triumphs to quiz at wombatfile dot com before 12:01 AM Friday.

1. This country lost some of its historic territory when James Brooke, the first "White Rajah" of Sarawak, forced treaties on the ruler and grabbed land. Britain remained in quasi-control until the country gained full independence in 1984.

2. The capital of one of these countries is memorialized in a famous song celebrating an aspect of U.S. military prowess. These countires are not in the Americas.

3. A military coup in 1980 brought the brutal Desi Bouterse to power. There were free elections later in the '80s, but Bouterese staged a second coup in the 1990s and is still around as an opposition leader. The main export of this country is bauxite.

4. The capital of this 90%-desert country is Ashgabat, which gets its name from the Arabic for "City of Love." However, another language (from a different "family" of languages entirely) predominates in this Muslim country named after its nomadic inhabitants. It borders Afghanistan, Iran and Kazakhstan, among others.

5. There are exactly ten of these states.

Hope that helps -- don't forget: BONUS LIGHTNING ROUND tomorrow at noon. First correct answer posted to comments will get bonus points toward the final score.

I trust you all rested your brains this weekend, perhaps by watching extended stretches of Law and Order: Criminal Intent, which now runs in a helpfully continuous cycle on at least three cable channels.

Competition last week was fierce but sportspersonlike, with Scraps taking a clear point lead but still facing a considerable challenge from competitors as the points-per-question become more rewarding.

Before we begin, a Special Announcement: There will be a Bonus "Lightning Round" offered on this Friday, the 17th, at or shortly after noon EST. An additional question will be posted, and players will duke it out in the comments. First correct answer gets 160 bonus points toward the final (the same value as the other Round 2 questions). This may offer a chance for those who missed the Round 1 deadline to make up some lost ground.

Now, on to Round 2 play. As in Round 1, there are multiple questions. This time it's 5 questions for 160 points apiece (800 possible points).

Your answer to each should be submitted via email to quiz at wombatfile dot com (subject line should include "quiz") before the posting of the clues on the morning of Thursday, December 16. After clues are posted, you have the remainder of the day to submit answers for half-credit, with a final deadline of Friday, December 17, at 12:01 AM.

As before, you are allowed one revision per guess -- but that revision is final, and if it comes during the "post-clue" period, it will only get you half points.

So...as those who have followed this inanity since its ill-starred beginning might remember (ha!), the Quiz began with two consecutive geography puzzles. In that spirit , we offer these geographically inclined questions. You are particularly on your honor to steer clear of maps and atlases as you play, not to mention the usual forbidden works of reference, electronic and otherwise. I have it on good authority that peekers shall in Hell be tattoo'd with a relief map of Banff National Park, by a blind demon with a sailmaker's needle and the shakes.

The questions:

1. In terms of population, what country is the smallest member of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations?

2. The first war declared under the U.S. Constitution was fought against a group of political entities which are now part of four different nations. What are those four nations? (Half credit possible, but no 1/4 or 3/4)

3. Everyone knows that the Dutch "bought" the island of Manhattan from Native American tribespeople for what is often characterized as twenty-something dollars worth of beads. The British took it from them by force in 1664; hostilities followed in 1665, and in 1667 the Dutch renounced their claim to New Amsterdam in negotiations. What (now a nation of approximately 400,000) was granted to them in return?

4. According to the CIA, what country is the world's tenth largest producer of cotton and the fourth largest of natural gas? Some facts: It is divided into five welayatlar. It has over 1700 km of coastline but ships sailing from ports along it could only reach to four other countries. Under the 12-year-old constitution, its bicameral legislature is composed of the Halk Maslahaty and the Majlis. Its national currency is the manat.

5. Which U.S. states use the path of the Mississippi river to delineate part of their state border? NOTE: in the case of "partially correct" answers, only those which list the correct total number of states will receive any partial credit.

Good luck. As before, feel free to use the comments for discussion and whining, but please don't share hints with others.

I'll post the answers and more on the guesses later this morning, but for now, here are the standings. Remember, this is just round 1, so it's still anyone's game.

Scraps 520
Gavin 360
Scott 320
Terry 280
Art 240
Boxjam 200
Hackly Fracture 180
Jonathan 140
Laura 100
Garthmeister 100
Rory 80

The only question which proved a Universal Stumper was #10. Only one person got #3 correct, and most got only half-credit for #9 (there was one full-credit answer there, but it came in after the clues were posted). The rest were a mix.

More shortly.

Here are the promised hints to the Round 1 questions. All guesses sent in from this point forward will receive half credit. Note: if you've already guessed and would like to change one or more answer in light of a clue, you will still receive full credit for any unchanged guesses made before the clues were posted.

Final deadline is 12:01 AM Friday morning.

1. It was non-sexual.

2. The writer attended Berkeley, but didn't graduate. He also wrote about the Russo-Japanese War (among many other subjects). He died on his ranch.

3. This happened about nine years after the technology part was first invented, and three years after it was more broadly demonstrated to the world.

4. Most of us are probably more familiar with an animated parody than the original.

5. Carl was from a third, neighboring country.

6. Interestingly, it was founded the year after Henry Ford created the Ford Motor Company.

7.The initials of the organization's full name were IWW.

8. Harlequins and circus folk were among his frequent subjects at this time, but the name applied reflects something other than subject matter.

9. Although the language generally used to describe the agrerement referred to something apparently race-specific, what was really being addressed had to do with something that was hardly confined to one ethnicity.

10. The modern version of Harris's organization claims to be "the largest private-sector contributor to the global polio eradication campaign" although this is hardly its only function.

The answers have begun to come in via email, but a number of players are still sitting on their hands (or, more likely, stopped reading about halfway through the interminable instructions and gave up in disgust). It's interesting to see which of the Round 1 questions seem to be widely known, and which are universal stumpers.

At 11 AM Thursday I will post some clues: after that point, all guesses received will be scored for half-credit only. Final deadline for Round 1 guesses is 12:01 AM Friday.

At the moment, I will recap the 10 round-one questions for your convenience. Remember, you may revise an earlier guess, but only once, and the revision is final. Guesses logged in my email before the 11 AM clue-fest will be scored for full credit (up to 100 points/answer).

1. A New York City policeman arrested a woman for what reason while she was sitting in an open car in Manhattan? ( He reportedly chided her, "You can't do that on 5th Avenue.")

2. Who wrote the following passage, first published in 1904?

Then everything happened, and with inconceivable rapidity. The fog seemed to break away as though split by a wedge, and the bow of a steamboat emerged, trailing fog-wreaths on either side like seaweed on the snout of Leviathan. I could see the pilot-house and a white-bearded man leaning partly out of it, on his elbows. He was clad in a blue uniform, and I remember noting how trim and quiet he was. His quietness, under the circumstances, was terrible. He accepted Destiny, marched hand in hand with it, and coolly measured the stroke. As he leaned there, he ran a calm and speculative eye over us, as though to determine the precise point of the collision, and took no notice whatever when our pilot, white with rage, shouted, "Now you've done it!"

3. What technological/artistic "first" made Graz, Austria famous in 1904?

4. From what adventurous novel published famously in 1905-- by the daughter of a Hungarian Baron-- is the following excerpted:

"But, tell me, why should your leader--why should you all--spend your money and risk your lives--for it is your lives you risk, Messieurs, when you set foot in France--and all for us French men and women, who are nothing to you?"

"Sport, Madame la Comtesse, sport," asserted Lord Antony, with his jovial, loud and pleasant voice; "we are a nation of sportsmen, you know, and just now it is the fashion to pull the hare from between the teeth of the hound."

5. What two countries (which had been unified for nearly a century) separated in 1905 -- in the process turning a Prince Carl into a King?

6. In 1904 what company was founded as a joint venture between a former electric-doorbell manufacturer and the son of an English lord (who had chosen the unusual career as a professional engineer)?

7. In a June 1905 meeting, William Haywood, Eugene V. Debs and others met and founded an internationally focused organization that became widely known by a nickname. What was the nickname?

8. 1905-6 marked what "Period" in the painting of Picasso?

9. In 1904 the first international agreement against what kind of commerce was drawn up at an international conference in Paris? (The agreement has since been superseded by a broader 1949 U.N. Convention)

10. Paul P. Harris, of Chicago, founds this organization in 1904. In 1945, forty-nine members of the organization take part in the drafting of the U.N. charter in San Francisco. In 1990, the first Moscow branch opens. What is the name of the organization?

Email your answers to quiz at wombatfile dot com before 12:01 AM Friday. Please put "quiz" somewhere in the subject line.

Welcome, dedicated lovers of the unimportant; devotees of the pompously rendered factoid; supplicants at the altar of Trivia (to be distinguished, we might add, from those who merely Pursue)!

Before we begin, some guidelines, procedures, and ceremonious lollygagging:

1. Who May Play

Any previous victor of our uncelebrated and now posthumous Weekly Quiz is a hereby credentialed participant. More succinctly: if you've ever played the weekly quiz and won, you're in.

(If you have won the quiz and used an anonymous email address [Terry? Doozy?] send a note to quiz at wombatfile dot com with something to demonstrate that you are who you are).

2. The Nature of the Quizvitational

More stupid questions, like the ones you've seen here for years, but a whole bunch at once. In three batches.

Some are a bit more straightforward and simple than the weekly ones. Some are just as baroque and tortured. I post, you send your answers. Each correct answer gets some points. Correct answers and standings posted each Friday. The player with the most points accumulated at the end of round 3 (on December 23) wins undying glory and an honest-to-dog real physical prize mailed to your home or office.

3. The Manner of Play

In each of three rounds beginning the first three Mondays in December, a set of questions will be posted here (first round questions are posted below). Players send their answers VIA EMAIL to quiz AT wombatfile DOT com. (Please put "quiz" somewhere in your subject line). Each correct answer will earn points (scoring elaborated below).

Later each week, some helpful clues will be posted (Thursday in rounds one and two, Wednesday in Round three). Players may continue to mail guesses until 12:01 AM Friday, Eastern Standard Time (Thursday in the last round). However, correct answers mailed in after the clues are posted will only receive HALF credit (diabolical, eh?).

Players may revise previously submitted answers, but only ONCE per round, and revised answers will be considered final. For example, if in answer to the question, "Who wrote Looking Backward?" your first (and correct) answer submitted was "Edward Bellamy" and then, in a fit of nervousness you dashed off, "No, wait, it was David Gergen!" you would, alas, recieve no points.

Because players are being asked to work from memory only, minor errors in spelling, misplaced articles etc., will be overlooked. However, if an answer omits crucial information (e.g. "Queen Elizabeth" for "Queen Elizabeth II") it may be docked some or all points.

4. The Honor System

As with the weekly quiz, you're on your honor not to consult search engines, reference works, librarians, or random experts from off the street. Additionally, although we have allowed it during the weekly quiz, refrain from consulting your your charming and brilliant life-partner. Do it on your own. Do it for you. Do it for the love of stupid, useless information.

You are encouraged, however, to use the comments field to boast, taunt, and whin(g)e. But please do not spoil it by posting big 'ol clues or the answers. Those who do will be disqualified with a wrathful swiftness.

5. The Scoring

Round One: 10 questions for (up to) 80 points apiece.
Round Two: 5 questions for (up to) 160 points apiece.
Round Three: 4 questions for (up to) 101 points apiece.

6. The Rounds

Round One:

Questions posted Monday, December 6
Clues posted Thursday, December 9 (deadline for full-points answers)
DEADLINE FOR ANSWERS: 12:01 AM EST Friday December 10

Round Two:

Questions posted Monday, December 13
Clues posted Thursday, December 16 (deadline for full-points answers)
DEADLINE FOR ANSWERS: 12:01 AM EST Friday December 17

Round Three

Questions posted Monday, December 20
Clues posted Wednesday, December 22 (deadline for full-points answers)
DEADLINE FOR ANSWERS: 12:01 AM EST Thursday December 23

7. Questions for Round One

Digested all of that? Then you're ready to play ROUND ONE!

All of the Round One questions refer to events that took place in the years 1904 or 1905.

1. A New York City policeman arrested a woman for what reason while she was sitting in an open car in Manhattan? ( He reportedly chided her, "You can't do that on 5th Avenue.")

2. Who wrote the following passage, first published in 1904?

Then everything happened, and with inconceivable rapidity. The fog seemed to break away as though split by a wedge, and the bow of a steamboat emerged, trailing fog-wreaths on either side like seaweed on the snout of Leviathan. I could see the pilot-house and a white-bearded man leaning partly out of it, on his elbows. He was clad in a blue uniform, and I remember noting how trim and quiet he was. His quietness, under the circumstances, was terrible. He accepted Destiny, marched hand in hand with it, and coolly measured the stroke. As he leaned there, he ran a calm and speculative eye over us, as though to determine the precise point of the collision, and took no notice whatever when our pilot, white with rage, shouted, "Now you've done it!"

3. What technological/artistic "first" made Graz, Austria famous in 1904?

4. From what adventurous novel published famously in 1905-- by the daughter of a Hungarian Baron-- is the following excerpted:

"But, tell me, why should your leader--why should you all--spend your money and risk your lives--for it is your lives you risk, Messieurs, when you set foot in France--and all for us French men and women, who are nothing to you?"

"Sport, Madame la Comtesse, sport," asserted Lord Antony, with his jovial, loud and pleasant voice; "we are a nation of sportsmen, you know, and just now it is the fashion to pull the hare from between the teeth of the hound."

5. What two countries (which had been unified for nearly a century) separated in 1905 -- in the process turning a Prince Carl into a King?

6. In 1904 what company was founded as a joint venture between a former electric-doorbell manufacturer and the son of an English lord (who had chosen the unusual career as a professional engineer)?

7. In a June 1905 meeting, William Haywood, Eugene V. Debs and others met and founded an internationally focused organization that became widely known by a nickname. What was the nickname?

8. 1905-6 marked what "Period" in the painting of Picasso?

9. In 1904 the first international agreement against what kind of commerce was drawn up at an international conference in Paris? (The agreement has since been superseded by a broader 1949 U.N. Convention)

10. Paul P. Harris, of Chicago, founds this organization in 1904. In 1945, forty-nine members of the organization take part in the drafting of the U.N. charter in San Francisco. In 1990, the first Moscow branch opens. What is the name of the organization?

Email your answers to quiz at wombatfile dot com before 12:01 AM Friday. Please put "quiz" somewhere in the subject line.

This is it. The not-very-distinguished close to our regular Friday Quiz. See below for details about our pulse-relaxing Quizvitational. And stay tuned for 2005's all-new Friday Entertainment.

And now, today's dumbed-down diversion:

The fastest delivery time by ever clocked by Pony Express riders over the St. Joseph, Missouri - Sacramento, California route was 7 days, 17 hours. This was 2 days faster than the average time of delivery.

What were the contents of this speed-record delivery?

Unrelated what-the-hey bonus question: She was a schoolteacher from Bay City Michigan. Her name was Annie Taylor. In October of 1901, at the age of 63 (though she claimed, oddly, to be much younger), she became the first person to successfully do something. What was it?

First correct answer to comments wins a rare copy of The Unexpurgated Born Loser, complete with Art Sansom's never-published strips condemning the Falkland Islands War. No Googling or calling up Mrs. Anderson at the Sacramento Tourism Office. She's just too darn helpful! One guess per comment please, but comment as often as you'd like.

Are you still waiting on the details for the WombatFile Quizvitational? Of course you are. I can only plead sleep deprivation and the strange persistence of the physical world and its appalling demands as an excuse for the lack of information that has been forthcoming about this event.

But to get started, some infrequently asked questions.

Q. What is the WombatFile Quizvitational?

A. A multi-week trivia tourney which will ingloriously cap off the career of the Wombat File Friday Quiz.

Q. The Quiz is retiring? Finally? For true?

A. Yes. We've taken this just about as far as it can go, that is to say, nowhere at all. And we're very, very pleased with what's been accomplished. Super-happy. To add further weeks would be to gild the lily, to pile Pelion on poor suffering Ossa, and to whack madly at a depression in the earth rumored to be an ancient equine grave.

Q. Will you shut up and just tell us, Mr. Whimsical?

A. Well, why don't you do it, Mr. Big Shot?

Q. Fine. I will. Anyway, the Quizvitational is open to anyone who has at least one Quiz victory to their name. You should email the quizmaster at bt AT wombatLeaveThisPartOutfile dot com with your name and the answer to a quiz that you won. Instructions for the first round of play will appear on MONDAY, December 6, and the first round will be scored on Friday, December 10. The second round will take place the following week, with scoring on December 17th. A final round will immediately commence, with the fateful conclusion taking place on Wednesday, December 23rd.

How's that?

A. You didn't mention the prizes. There will be real prizes mailed to the top three scorers. They will be terrible, regrettable prizes, but they will be real.

Q. So what about tomorrow? Is there one more regular-old quiz tomorrow?

A. Sure thing. Whatever makes you happy.