"Many of today's consumers associate breath strips with instant fresh breath. By combining toothpaste with breath strips, Colgate leverages relevant consumer trends while bringing innovation to the fresh breath segment of the category."

The sheer, delicious poetry of this press release is almost -- but not quite -- as wonderful as the monumental, unvarnished pointlessness of the product itself.

(As a grace note, the up-to-the-second sharpies at Colgate gave the boot to stodgy old terms like "peppermint" and "spearmint," in favor of the vastly better designations "Cool Mint" and "Clean Mint." Children everywhere rejoiced as the need to memorize these two dull-sounding, hard-to-spell flavors was eliminated.)