I've always detested figgy Pearl Jam, and hated Eddie Vedder's voice. And they recorded that awful teen car wreck song, which I heard enough not of my own volition to think it had some popular run.

I do have this mental back-current trying to convince me that the charts have seen way worse and way more vapid than Pearl Jam, but I'm unswayed.

But what about LFO's "Summer Girls?" Did Eddie Vedder ever do anything that bad?

Do I know that one? Does LFO stand for something? My ignorance is feeling more blissful already. . .

Toughies. I wanna put Van Halen down for number 2 but I naturally mean after Diamond Dave was ousted.

And actually I could go with any Sammy Hagar song ever for number 3.

Hey, this isn't so tough after all!

#1: The one about the Titanic.

A little googling tells me the title is "Last Kiss"

Have you *heard* it? Have you?

It goes like:

Where, oh where, can my baby be? the lord took her away from
Me. she’s gone to heaven, so I’ve got to be good. so I can see my baby when i
Leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy’s car. we hadn’t driven very far. there in
The road, straight ahead. a car was stalled, the engine was dead.

I couldn’t stop, so I swerved to the right. I’ll never forget the sound that
Night. the screamin tires, the bustin glass. the painful scream that I heard
Last.

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be? the lord took her away from me. she’s gone
To heaven, so I’ve got to be good. so I can see my baby when I leave this world.

When I woke up the rain was pourin down. there were people standin all around.
Something warm flowing through my eyes. but somehow I found my baby that night.
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said. hold me darling, just a little
While. I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss. I found the love that i
Knew I had missed.

Well now she’s gone. even though I hold her tight. I lost my love, my life,
That night.

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be? the lord took her away from me. she’s gone
To heaven, so I’ve got to be good. so I can see my baby when I leave this
World.

I can almost go across the board with Karma Kameleon and Culture Club. But I haves to give props to Boy George's pipes (vocal, that is).

I heard a purported soundboard recording of Enrique Iglesias live in concert that sounded very, very bad.

I'm not sure how to judge a bad vocal performance. Lots of my favorite performers to not have "pretty" voices (Daniel Johnson, Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, Lou Reed, and so on). I tend to enjoy the emotion and subtleties conveyed in the performance.

I think it's called My Heart Will Go On.

I found the Enrique recording and it's gold, baby.

http://www.madsb.com/enrique/indexeng.htm

If this guy is qualified to be a singer b/c his father is, then I am qualified to be a tax economist.

Is someone gonna tell me about this LFO thing? My best guess is they're like the Back Doors, but for ELO. The 'Lectric Friggin' Orchestra? Am I close?

I'll go with "Manic Monday" for worst popular song ever recorded.

It's hard to extricate emotional reactions to a song-and knowledge about the song outside of the hypothetical experience of listening to it completely agnostically- from the song's actual worth, so I didn't bother.

"Manic Monday" was the most cynical project ever - the Bangles only recorded it because it was written by he-who-has-chosen-to-be-nameless (I won't believe they actually liked it), and nobody along the whole process dared to speak up and say "The Emperor's new clothes suck sonic wet rope."

These are they days when you wish your bed was already made.

Scott,
I'd never heard of them either, but they seem strong contenders already: www.lfo-fansite.com

(lyte funkie ones)

LFO -- "Lyte Funky Ones" ruled the radio in 1999 with "Summer Girls," which contained the worst lyric of all time: "You look like the kinda girl that wears Abercrombie & Fitch."

Former LFO backup dancer (!) Kevin Federline (sp?) married Britney Spears.

http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/artistBio.asp?userid=0Y3POmeAFP&bnit=H&bnrefer=0-10000-26097-5000000&CTR=392806

A good choice on Manic Monday though -- a terrible song which everybody gives a pass to because Prince wrote it.

More possibilities for worst song "The Pina Colada Song," "Sussudio," and "Can You Feel the Love Tonight."

The Pina Colada Song kind of makes me smile. That freaking "Last Kiss" crap, however, has got isself going in a little eddy in my mind (as a result of this damned blog, I might add) and it makes me angrier than having to wait in a dirty tire-store waiting room with old old coffee and Judge Joe Brown on the TV for them to change a tire that they said they'd have changed by now and indeed even rung me up and told me that they had done it already but in fact had not. And that really burns my biscuits.

Scott, you do know that Pearl Jam's version of "Last Kiss" is a cover?

http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/product.asp?EAN=90431071229

I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

I know. I think that makes it worse, though it is a near toss-up.

Pina Colada song is fluff; Pearl Jam's Last Kiss is a brain tumor.

Pearl Jams before swine, I present my trifecta:

1, option A: "Always something there to remind me" by, I just found out, the unfortunately titled Naked Eyes

1, option B: "Oh Mickey (You're so Fine, you're so fine you blow my mind hey Mickey!)" By Ms. Toni Basil

2. The Backstreet Boys, obviously.

3. "Do you Beeeeeelieeve in life after love? (after love after love)" By one Ms. Cher

Oh, you wanted reasons?

Because they suck.

And for a fourth category of worst abuse to an instrument:
Kenny G.

Yeah, but "Do you Believe (In Live After Love)" was meant to be a joke, wasn't it?

Wasn't it?

I think the Naked Eyes song is, in fact, a cover as well. I believe of a Burt Bachrach composition.

If a song from one era spawns an annoying as hell cover (think Phil Collins "You Can't Hurry Love") is the original retroactively damned?

just trying to THINK of an answer to your question brought "we built this city" to mind and now, naturally, i can't get it out of my head--thanks

yes, unfortunately, all originals are damned by their half-assed & putrid cover versions, if and only if such cover version become radio staples themselves

You seem to be forgetting "Sexy Eyes" in the contention for bland/putrid/maudlin. And I agree with Scott on Last Kiss.

But herewith:
1) That's the Way (Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh) I Like It
2) KC and the Sunshine Band
3) Harry Wayne Casey

I can only conclude, based on his posts, that Scott believes Creed is a better band than Pearl Jam.

Ha ha! Scott likes Creed!

"Last Kiss" was originally recorded by Frank J. Wilson and any version of this song RULZ over "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang, which I had to play in high school band about 6940 times.

3. "Do you Beeeeeelieeve in life after love? (after love after love)" By one Ms. Cher

Just want to note that last night I saw an old Buffy the Vampire Slayer in which this was the annoying song constantly played by Buffy's freshman roommate (who turns out to be a demon, naturally). Clearly, Bootsy hits something zeitgeisty with that one...

That reminds me of a not bad movie, Night Shift with Betelgeuse and the Fonz. This is a movie I enjoyed until I realized that "That's what Friends are For" plays in the background every 3.5 minutes. Man, I hate that song by Rod Stewart, Dionne Warwick or anyone else.

Long supressed first sexual awakenings bleed from the scab of irony lifted by the Wombat's probling claw: (For Shaun Cassidy, I mean)
Do you believe in Magick? of a young girl's heart?

zeitgeist THAT motha!