1. Get really grand idea about making crispy oven-roasted greens from friends who rave about how nutridelicious it is to cook kale/collard greens/mustard greens this way.

2. Get method of preparation over the phone. Don't write anything down.

3. Invite friends with children over for an early dinner, so that as you attempt brand-new-never-before-attempted recipe you are maximally distracted by hi-intensity toddler action (this phrase should echo as in a low-budget television ad for a monster truck rally).

4. Serve drinks. Have one yourself.

5. Realize that in the midst of all the serving of drinks and having of one yourself, you're running a little behind on getting those greens into the oven. Preheat oven to 400, but turn it up a bit because hey, it's an old oven, and you need it to get hot quickly.

6. Toss the greens with the garlic and olive oil and put onto foil covered pans. Wonder, for a split second if perhaps they really look a bit too oily. Don't think about the question of whether or not the smoking point for the extra-virgin olive oil you're using isn't perchance a bit too low for this recipe.

7. Put the pans in the oven. Get distracted by the toddlers, the rest of dinner, the conversation, and the cocktail now mostly consumed.

8. When the smoke alarm goes off, don't think "Perhaps the greens are burning." Think, "Silly smoke alarm! You always go off whenever I cook. Off with you for the duration." Remove battery.

9. When the smoke has become noticeably acrid, go into the kitchen, open the oven and hastily close door. Turn off oven. Decide to deal with disgusting charred greens later.

10. Apologize to your guests and hope that the rest of the meal makes up for the lingering smell of smoke.

11. In the rush to get the rest of dinner on, forget that you've left the greens in the oven, and absent-mindedly (or perhaps cocktail-mindedly) turn the knob to "broil" in the belief that perhaps you'll use the broiler to melt the cheese.

12. When an alternate way of melting the cheese presents itself, forget to turn the broiler off.

13. When everyone's eyes are tearing from the "lingering" smell of the smoke from before, realize that in fact you are re-incinerating the greens and that fresh clouds of white unbreathability are issuing from the oven.

14. Wonder why the smoke alarm is not going off, and then remember.

15. Curse the day you were born.

16. Throw open all the windows to the frigid December night. Apologize profusely to your friends, who must now eat dinner in a freezing, carcinogenic hell.

17. Bid them goodnight and go to sleep.

18. Wake up, throw open all windows to air out the apartment and leave for the day.

19. Return in the evening to discover that your apartment (which is always too cold anyway and warms up very slowly) is an ideal temperature for the long-term preservation of dairy products. And that it smells as much like a just-doused campfire as it did the moment you left. Which is to say, very much.

20. Close the windows. You have now Uncozified Your Home.